The porch...

To say that life is funny would be an understatement..

Things definately change, and if you don't hold on and accept that, you get lost in the mix and lose track of living. It's still seeming a mental fog the last few years, and I'm hoping that soon the lighthouse will appear and I'll have a sense of direction again.

I write this, from my porch.. Well, not really MY porch yet, MY porch now sits empty in front of an almost empty home, once full of hopes/dreams, mementos and memories collected by a family over a short period. To put all of that into boxes was luckily something I myself wasn't required to do most of, as I don't know if sanity would have prevailed. Pictures taken during happy times, show youthful happiness and innocence, an innocence hopefully not lost in this fog, but definately nearer to the lighthouse..

Before I lost track of what I was writing, I was explaining the porch. It's a different view from here. Where once was 100 acres of farmland and country, now sits a High school my kids will hopefully attend. It's a nice house, but it's not MY home yet. My belongings are amazingly inside the door.. All around this house where I look I see my things. My computer, my couch, the TV's.. Even my dog is here. But there are things that have to be done to make it a home. Sacrifices to be made in the name of stability. Although in life I have made sacrifices, some that pushed the edge of sanity, it appears as though I may not be done.. I understand to be a Man it takes the willingness to sacrifice for his family. Did Christ not sacrifice for his family? (yes, that will be the only religious reference...)

There's history in this home. Families have lived here, it's not new.. It's not the almost 3000 square feet I had made for my family. It's nearly an acre, in the middle of town, but life is about change they say. So, I adapt. And look for answers.. Answers to questions I do not want to ask. Answers to answers I've answered incorrectly in the past. Adapt, finding places for everything, and something for all the places. When I'm done, it still won't feel like a home. It will still be a lease, but there's chances out there for that to change.

The Army, an option I've looked into in the past, has once again crept onto my radar. The opportunities far outweigh the initial risks to me. GI Bill, money to go to college once I get out without having to navigate the wonderful system the government has put on the Native American schooling I am entitled, and the VA Loan. A possiblity of being able to keep from having to move again. A way to make this porch mine, and this house into a home. It will definately have it's positives and negative aspects. I know I will miss some things, but in the end, if my family is safe and stable, that is what my job is. So, this time, I am training, and preparing in case I get the chance to join. If not, then life will not be over, for there are always other options, some may not be as quick and simple of a solution however.

So, once again, life is full of choices. Some to be made, and some to be dealt with. Some roads come to an end, and some are being built. It isn't a highway, that's for sure, but it would be much easier if there was a GPS to give me my turn by turns..

My Son has just gotten home from his first day at school this year, so I guess I shall leave this porch, end my blog, and continue to enjoy my hopes, dreams, memories and mementos that are still there, still mine and my families, just inside someone elses front door....